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SPECIAL REPORT: JANUARY 2010
New Year’s Re-soul-ution
I’ve always embraced the idea of a New Year’s resolution. . . re-solution, a new solution for something the previous solution did not take. I’ve vowed to listen more intently, give other’s more space, accomplish goals, stop biting my nails, free myself of the need to lose ten pounds, lose ten pounds. One year I decided to gain ten pounds, start smoking and drink more heavily. I wasn’t any more successful doing that than the others. I like the fresh start, hope for a new improved me.
This year I’m taking a whole new approach to 2010. I am taking a sabbatical from desire. For the whole year, I am attempting to detach from driving, striving, reaching, trying, any form of needing anything other than what I have. I am letting go of the need to accomplish or accumulate anything, make any strategic gains. I’m free for one year to enjoy (or not), make peace with (or not) myself as I am and my life as it is.
No self improvement. No goals. No expectations. I am giving myself a free pass for one year. It’s not going to be easy. I thrive on striving. What am I without my goals, my pursuit of accomplishments, my drive to improve myself, my career? The truth is . . . I have no idea because I have never done it. I’m proud of what I have achieved personally and professionally, and have come up short on goals. All those lofty expectations are going to be shelved for one year and the thought of it scares the bejezuz out of me. What will be in its place?
POW!: Presence. Openness. Willingness.
Presence: Witnessing every breath. Breathing in the present moment rather than the one that has passed or one that may never occur.
Openness: Looking at each person and situation through a lens of non-judgment. Not as good or bad, right or wrong, smart or stupid, nice or mean, happy or sad, honest or dishonest, cool or glib . . . but as it is.
Willingness: Going with what is, detaching from the need for anyone or anything to be other than it is, including me. To expand into every moment, experience the texture, nuance, subtlety, color, context, breath, stillness, the aliveness.
2010 is a re-souling. When I told my husband about my re-soul-ution, he thought it might be nice for those around me. “Really? Why?” I asked. “Maybe you will be less preoccupied and more attentive,” he said. Hmm. Interesting, didn’t know I was preoccupied and thought I was attentive. I’m learning something already.
This is not going to be easy. It is going to take practice, discipline, and compassion. I started a few days ago and have had some early surprises:
- I’ve been trying to lose ten pounds for over twenty years. My weight fluctuates five or seven pounds. But, if I’m not trying to lose weight, will I gain it?
- It is frightening to live without goals, milestones, expectations, time frames for accomplishments. Goals give me a sense of stability, structure, predictability. Productivity gives me purpose. A year without specific identified goals, just a clean slate, empty canvas, yikes all that uncertainty? Flying between the vines for a year? Scary . . . and exciting.
- Already I’m surprised how challenging this is in the practical sense. A silly example, my husband and I decide to go golfing, we have a tee time and we show up. The person at the club tells us we are matched with two other people. I don’t want to play with two other people. I’ve just started playing and I’m not very good and now I want to go home. POW! Presence, breath in the moment, as it is, with out judgment, and be willing to go with the situation as it is. We ended up having a great time with Jean and Pierre who weren’t that much better than me. Pierre taught me some good tips. I lucked out that time. It’s surprising how hard it is to POW! in the moment! There are at least two or three of those types of moments a day, some take POW! over and over again, and again.
Why bother? Because I am ready for a clean slate, white canvas, open space to embrace uncertainty and a break from the noise and clutter of needing something other than what is.
Will I accomplish things this year? Likely. Will I accumulate things this year? Probably. But for this year, my New Year’s Re-soul-ution is to not need, desire or plan, just to experience each moment as if it arrives in its own little package. . . even if it kills me. Wish me luck! Happy New Year!
Sharon Hoyle Weber
Phone: 781-424-0442
Email: sharon@hotinthepot.com
Cohasset, Massachusetts USA
http://www.hotinthepot.com